Kent will agree with this, I could put my tree up and listen to Christmas music after my birthday in September! I love this time of year and the reason we celebrate! But this Christmas is a little different. Ready for some transparent emotion? Good, because I'm not but one thing that I've learned about this whole process is to be as open and honest with every aspect of it as I can.
Reason #1- We sent off our paperwork to Bethany Christian Services. Little step but huge at the same time to get the ball rolling! It was a signed Statement of Faith and our Pre-Application. Praise the Lord we got approved for this first step! We have a meeting in early January to find out all of the information we need. (Please pray for this meeting. We have to miss a day of school to go and that's our only personal day so please pray that we don't have to leave a day of school for any of our future meetings and that they can be after school or something else can be worked out. Also, please pray that the Lord will make it very clear to us if He wants us to go through this agency and if He wants us to do domestic or international adoption.) We are so excited for this meeting but we can't do anything in between now and January 10th! So that's part of why I want Christmas to be done, so we can get to this meeting!
Reason #2- This year is hitting me much harder than usual emotionally. There is nothing that I want more than to be a mother. I see all of these other women- pregnant, with babies, with their family- and I cry. It's always been hard for me to be strong when people I know are having children and talking about their pregnancies, when I've known for so long that I'll never be able to enjoy that gift; it is torture. I know it's not really the case but it seems that everywhere I look someone is pregnant and talking about their pregnancy or posting pictures of their belly or ultrasounds or babies. Please don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for each and everyone of these women that are able to experience that joy. I want that joy and know that I'll never get it and this Christmas I'm constantly reminded of that. Only Kent and some of my closest friends know how my heart aches whenever I come across those things. A mix of happiness for the person experiencing that blessing and of pain that comes with knowing this for as long as I have. I need patience as we wait for news on our child and I need God's grace to get me through. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
Reason #1- We sent off our paperwork to Bethany Christian Services. Little step but huge at the same time to get the ball rolling! It was a signed Statement of Faith and our Pre-Application. Praise the Lord we got approved for this first step! We have a meeting in early January to find out all of the information we need. (Please pray for this meeting. We have to miss a day of school to go and that's our only personal day so please pray that we don't have to leave a day of school for any of our future meetings and that they can be after school or something else can be worked out. Also, please pray that the Lord will make it very clear to us if He wants us to go through this agency and if He wants us to do domestic or international adoption.) We are so excited for this meeting but we can't do anything in between now and January 10th! So that's part of why I want Christmas to be done, so we can get to this meeting!
Reason #2- This year is hitting me much harder than usual emotionally. There is nothing that I want more than to be a mother. I see all of these other women- pregnant, with babies, with their family- and I cry. It's always been hard for me to be strong when people I know are having children and talking about their pregnancies, when I've known for so long that I'll never be able to enjoy that gift; it is torture. I know it's not really the case but it seems that everywhere I look someone is pregnant and talking about their pregnancy or posting pictures of their belly or ultrasounds or babies. Please don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for each and everyone of these women that are able to experience that joy. I want that joy and know that I'll never get it and this Christmas I'm constantly reminded of that. Only Kent and some of my closest friends know how my heart aches whenever I come across those things. A mix of happiness for the person experiencing that blessing and of pain that comes with knowing this for as long as I have. I need patience as we wait for news on our child and I need God's grace to get me through. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9