Have you ever finally paid attention to the lyrics of a song that you have heard many times before and realized just how much truth is in it for the exact thing you were thinking about or struggling with? That's exactly what happened to me while driving around on Tuesday. I had a discouraging day. Nothing bad happened and I didn't get any bad news but I was very discouraged. All of the MRKH stuff and "lack of" adoption stuff and even feelings of being all alone in this had really put a storm cloud over me. I found myself unable to think of anything positive. I began to question if God even wants me to be a mother. Why are we still here? Why can't I just give birth? Why does no one understand? Why don't more people show their support and care for us during this unbelievably trying time? Why?.... I know you (whoever you are) have had some of those thoughts and maybe have even struggled with your own. I just feel so worn...all the time....
So back to Tuesday- Kent normally tutors in the afternoons after school for an hour and that money goes toward our adoption fund. Some days I just don't want to sit around school and wait so I will go run errands. I had no errands to run on Tuesday so I just thought I would window shop. I went to Michaels, TJMAX, and Big Lots. I didn't buy anything but I looked with the hopes of getting my mind off of the stink I kept mulling over. As I was driving to pick Kent up from school, I began to listen to the lyrics of the song and let me tell you....I needed it. I began to cry as each verse pointed out exactly I find myself all too often. That night as I took down the popcorn ceiling in the guest bedroom (more on that later), I listened to it several more times. Am I the only one that will play a song over and over? I don't think so! Here are the lyrics:
Worn by Tenth Avenue North
I'm tired; I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
An I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I'm worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
Though I'm worn
Yeah, I'm worn
I hope that this song can be an encouragement to you as it was to me. Sometimes as a Christian, I am afraid of what other people will say or think if I don't pretend like all is well. My hope is in the Lord...but sometimes, I need His help and other believers to live that out and to hold on to that promise. Kent and I have also been in Job lately for our devotions together and that book plus the comfort in songs and hymns are a reminder that I won't always feel "put together" as a believer. When I think of great men of the Bible that also had times of doubt and questions and just plain struggled with their flesh, I'm encouraged. Think of Job, Elijah, and even Jonah. God comforted and taught them through their times of hurt and confusion (and sometimes down right pity-parties!) Shouldn't we be willing to help other believers like that? Just telling someone to "just trust God" may not be what they need. Job needed comfort and understanding. Elijah needed food and rest first. Jonah...well God was more patient with the gourd thing than I would have been but even then God gave him shelter before correcting him.
I know this is super long and only a handful may read it but this is what God has been speaking to me about lately. I pray that it can be an encouragement to you in times of distress as it is to me right now.
So back to Tuesday- Kent normally tutors in the afternoons after school for an hour and that money goes toward our adoption fund. Some days I just don't want to sit around school and wait so I will go run errands. I had no errands to run on Tuesday so I just thought I would window shop. I went to Michaels, TJMAX, and Big Lots. I didn't buy anything but I looked with the hopes of getting my mind off of the stink I kept mulling over. As I was driving to pick Kent up from school, I began to listen to the lyrics of the song and let me tell you....I needed it. I began to cry as each verse pointed out exactly I find myself all too often. That night as I took down the popcorn ceiling in the guest bedroom (more on that later), I listened to it several more times. Am I the only one that will play a song over and over? I don't think so! Here are the lyrics:
Worn by Tenth Avenue North
I'm tired; I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
An I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I'm worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
Though I'm worn
Yeah, I'm worn
I hope that this song can be an encouragement to you as it was to me. Sometimes as a Christian, I am afraid of what other people will say or think if I don't pretend like all is well. My hope is in the Lord...but sometimes, I need His help and other believers to live that out and to hold on to that promise. Kent and I have also been in Job lately for our devotions together and that book plus the comfort in songs and hymns are a reminder that I won't always feel "put together" as a believer. When I think of great men of the Bible that also had times of doubt and questions and just plain struggled with their flesh, I'm encouraged. Think of Job, Elijah, and even Jonah. God comforted and taught them through their times of hurt and confusion (and sometimes down right pity-parties!) Shouldn't we be willing to help other believers like that? Just telling someone to "just trust God" may not be what they need. Job needed comfort and understanding. Elijah needed food and rest first. Jonah...well God was more patient with the gourd thing than I would have been but even then God gave him shelter before correcting him.
I know this is super long and only a handful may read it but this is what God has been speaking to me about lately. I pray that it can be an encouragement to you in times of distress as it is to me right now.